Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
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I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
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We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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