she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
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Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
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Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
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