dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize