You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
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