I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
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