Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
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you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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