I'm so fucking centered right now
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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