Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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