It's like God shit irony all over that family
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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