I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
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