theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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