And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
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He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
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I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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