Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
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