i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
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Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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