just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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