I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
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100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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