meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
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You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
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There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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