if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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