I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
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