is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
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I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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