You're completely useless in the revolution.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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