ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
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im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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