im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
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Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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