This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Someone came in the potted fern
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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