I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Randomize