but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
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i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
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Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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