Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
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Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
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I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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