i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize