the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
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Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
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I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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