I hate your face
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
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two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
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I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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