Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize