They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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