I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
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Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
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Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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