the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize