When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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