Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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