Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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