as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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