If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize