the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
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WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
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