You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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