btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize