I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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