Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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