we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
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I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
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They also submitted to my demands for pizza
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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