Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
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