im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
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I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
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Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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