he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
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Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
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Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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