So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I seem to have left my pride at pride
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
We talked him into tasing himself.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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