i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
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I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
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I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize